


this is my kingdom come

by thefeelsonthebus



Category: Magisterium Series - Holly Black & Cassandra Clare
Genre: Angst, Based on something else, Feels, M/M, So much angst, Spoilers for The Copper Gauntlet, Suicidal Thoughts, carry on, literally the definition of this fic is "wizard angst"
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2015-10-22
Updated: 2015-10-22
Packaged: 2018-04-27 15:01:35
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 2,772
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/5053321
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/thefeelsonthebus/pseuds/thefeelsonthebus
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>"You're not Constantine," Aaron said, and he wasn't surprised to find his voice thick. "You're Call."</p>
            </blockquote>





	this is my kingdom come

**Author's Note:**

> SO. MUCH. ANGST. HOLY FUCKING SHIT. SERIOUSLY I NEED THAT GIF OF POTTER PUPPET PALS HARRY SMACKING HIS HEAD AGAINST A WALL AND GOING "ANGST ANGST ANGST."
> 
> This fic is very VERY heavily based off one scene from Carry On by Rainbow Rowell. It's also the most heartbreaking scene in the book. Enjoy.
> 
> (I know some of the Magisterium facts and stuff may not be 100% accurate, but my dad's reading the books rn so I can't check them.)
> 
> Title from the Imagine Dragons song Demons.

Aaron pushed past Copper years and Bronze years and the other Silver years to get through the gates. Master North had to go and talk about how the Enemy was evil, and about how his newly resurrected form, (they'd found out about the soul thing at the end of their Bronze year, but they didn't know who it was actually in,) caused a danger to them all, didn't he?

Call was sat next to him in that assembly. They were both right at the front, of course. The two Makars had to be front and centre of any Magisterium event.  
At one point, he had pressed his hand to Call's forearm, trying to comfort him, but Call yanked his arm away. His face was white.  
  
Aaron had tried to chase after him after the assembly was over, but he fled the hall as soon as he could. Aaron pushed through the crowds, but the last thing he had seen of Call was him running towards the gates.

  
  
"Call!" He yelled, shoving a rogue Iron year out of the way. He wasn't an overly violent person, but in that moment, he wanted to choke Master North. Call wasn't dangerous. He wasn't a threat. Lazy, yes. Sarcastic ass, yes. But endangering all of their lives? He wasn't like that. He was the best person in Aaron's life. He was just _Call_.  
  
The crowds dispersed by the time Aaron had shoved his way towards the gates. He looked around nervously to make sure no Masters were lurking, then turned his attention back to the gates. The left one was ajar.

Sudden panic raced through Aaron as he thought of Call, out there alone in the dark, and he rushed through the gate into the night. When Drew was alone in the dark, all those years ago, Chaos Elementals had attacked. And Drew was only an Iron year. Who knew what would come when a Makar was out there by himself?

  
  
Well. Now there were two of them. Aaron had probably just multiplied the danger by, like, twenty.

  
  
"Call, where are you?" Aaron called into the darkness. "Come on, come back inside." He lit a fire in his palm so he could see a little better. "You'll catch your - oh."

  
  
Call was sat on the ground, about three feet from him. Tendrils of dark Chaos were swirling around him. "I'll catch my death?" He said, drawing his arms around his skinny frame. "What do you think I'm trying to do?"

  
  
Aaron came to his senses. "What do you think you're doing?" He yelped, sprinting forwards. "Call, stop! You need a counterweight to -"

"I know how counterweights work, Aaron, I've been yours for three years. You've been mine for a good two."

Aaron skidded under the Chaos matter swirling around Call and sank to his knees beside him. He felt like he was going to collapse. What was Call doing? "Please stop."  
  
Call looked up at Aaron. His eyes were burning with a certain fury that in any other moment Aaron would admire. Love, even. Not now, though. Now, it just made his stomach ache for his best friend.

"You heard them in there. _The Enemy is evil, he's a danger to us all. We need to find the host for his soul and kill him. Our Makars can help with that._ " He laughed. Aaron felt something in his chest freezing over. "I got a letter from Master Joseph this afternoon. Just before we went to the Assembly."

Aaron stared at Call. He wondered why he'd been quiet before. He and Tamara had tried to cheer him up, to no avail. "How did it get past -"

"Glamour, I assume. Made it look like a letter from my father. Anyway, that's not important. It told me that my mother knew I was -" his voice cracked. "Knew I was Constantine."

"You're not Constantine," Aaron said, and he wasn't surprised to find his voice thick. "You're Call."

Call breathed in heavily, his hands clenching into fists. "Just for the sake of the argument, let's say I am," he snapped. Then all the fight went out of him suddenly, and he ducked his head. "And my mother knew about it. She carved a message in the ice as she died. _Kill the child._ " Call slumped to the ground, and Aaron stumbled closer, grabbing Call's hands to try and stop the Chaos leaking out of him. He'd seen echoes of Call's self-destructive nature, glimpses of his self-hatred, but not all at once before. Never like this.  
  
"My mother's last act was to try and seal my death," Call said miserably. "I may as well follow her last wish through."  
  
"Call, _no,_ " Aaron growled, grabbing his chin and forcing it upwards. He couldn't deal with it if Call wouldn't come back inside, if he chose to stay and be consumed by Chaos. How could he function in the world without Call? "Stop talking like this, please. _Please,_ Call."

Call batted his hand away. "Why do you care?" He said, his voice rising hysterically. "We're enemies. You're meant to kill me. I'm just saving you a job."

  
  
Aaron's mind took him back to that day in the cave he made. Where the chaos elementals surrounded Call and called him their leader. Aaron had felt like he'd been stabbed with an ice-cold knife. Call was his best friend. And now he was being told he had the soul of the Enemy.

Then when they were in Constantine's tomb, and Call had told them to save themselves. Aaron had realised something when he grabbed Call's arm and told him he'd never leave him, and he hadn't been able to get that thought out of his head since.

The thought materialised in his mind again, the voice inside his head laughing at his utterly messed-up life. _I'm in love with the Enemy_.

 _I'm in love with_ my _enemy._ The second thought came just as fast.

Then the third. Slower, this time, and with a hollow truth to it.

  
  
_I'm in love with my best friend._

  
  
Call gazed up at him, the angry look in his eyes gone. Instead, something worse was there - a look of utter torture. "I'm a monster," he whispered. "I'm - I'm the freaking Enemy, I deserve to die like this -" he gestured to the Chaos around them. "Surrounded by the stuff that got me into this mess in the first place."

"Come on, Call, please." Aaron knew he sounded desperate, but he didn't know what else to do. Desperation was his only choice. "Tap into me. Stop summoning it. _Please."_  
  
Call didn't respond. He was staring at Aaron, his mouth hanging open. Yet another thought swam to the forefront of Aaron's mind. _Kiss him._

Aaron almost duct-taped over the voice in his head's mouth for surfacing at such an inconvenient time.

  
  
The Chaos was swirling around them now. Any moment, it could overwhelm Call, swallow him up and turn him into an elemental like Tamara's sister.  
Aaron bit back a sob and placed both of his hands on Call's cheeks again. He just wanted him to stop talking like this. He wanted him to be safe inside their rooms in the Magisterium, where nobody, including himself, could hurt him. "Call, please..."

Call didn't pull away this time. He looked into Aaron's eyes. Normally, Call's eyes were a misty grey, but in this light, they were near black. "Aaron," he murmured.  
  
And Aaron did the only thing he could think of.  
  
He kissed him.

 

Almost immediately, Aaron felt a twanging in his chest, like something was twisting his intestines into knots. He assumed it was because he was kissing call – _oh God, he was kissing Call –_ but then Call broke away and Aaron could see that the Chaos surrounding them had dissolved. Aaron had broken through his blind pain and made him see sense. It was either that, or…

Or Call’s thoughts were so suddenly consumed with Aaron that he couldn’t do anything _but_ draw on him as a counterweight.

 

Aaron moved his face away a little, so their noses were almost touching. Call’s expression was unreadable. “Call?” He asked, his voice trembling.

Call grabbed his collar and pulled him in for another kiss.

 

 _Call’s done this before,_ Aaron thought dizzily as their mouths pressed together. Only with Celia, though. He was there when she kissed him, all the way back in their second year. He had floundered hopelessly, his arms all over the place, so that even though Aaron had realised how he felt about Call by then, he couldn’t help but laugh. This? This was something different. This was hot and desperate and almost like they were drawing on each other as counterweights as they kissed, pushing and pulling at each other like they were taking strength from one another to summon Chaos. Aaron tried to think about how, mere seconds ago, Call was threatening to let himself be consumed by Chaos and kill himself, but Call’s lips, hot on his, made all thoughts in his head turn to dust and replaced them with his name. _Callum Hunt._

 

When they both finally pulled away, breaths heavy and cheeks flushed, Call intertwined his fingers with Aaron’s. “I didn’t realise how much I needed that until now,” Call said breathlessly.

Aaron looked around, to make sure there was no more Chaos matter lurking in the shadows. “Do you feel any better?”

“I don’t have a crippling need to let Chaos consume me anymore, but no, I’m not 100%,” Call replied dryly.

Aaron shook his head at Call. “Can you ever _not_ be sarcastic?”

“Absolutely not!” Call said indignantly. Aaron could see there was still some emotion swimming behind his eyes, but the tortured look in them had gone.

“I’m here for you, Call,” Aaron said to him.

Call’s voice was soft as he squeezed Aaron’s hand. “Thanks, Aaron.”

 

They kissed for a long time, kissed until Aaron’s mouth ached and his hands hurt from gripping Call’s shirt. Call kept making these little noises, downright scandalous noises of pleasure, which made Aaron even more determined to cling onto him and do unspeakable things to him. They kept pulling away from each other every few minutes, and Call gave him secret grins that made Aaron feel special and significant for the right reasons. Not because he was some stupid Makar. Because Callum Hunt was kissing him and he seemed to be enjoying it.

He couldn’t help wondering how this was going to change their relationship. Call and Celia had stayed friendly when they dated for that three month period in Bronze year, but Call had drifted when they broke up around Christmas. He hoped they wouldn’t stop being best friends. He didn’t want _anyone_ else as his counterweight.

After Aaron realised what he was thinking about, he suddenly felt guilty. Call had basically just confessed he felt like he deserved to die, and here Aaron was, worrying about how their relationship would change after they kissed.

 

Call sensed his hesitation. He pulled away. “What’s wrong?”

Aaron shook his head. “Nothing.”

Call gave him a look.

Aaron laughed under his breath. “I guess – I was just thinking – is this going to change anything? Because I still want to be your best friend. I still want you to be my counterweight. No matter what – no matter what happens.”  
“Don’t be an idiot, Aaron,” Call said, biting his lip a little. It made something in Aaron’s chest thud painfully. “Of course I’ll still be your counterweight. And you’d better still be mine, or I might have to have _Jasper,_ God forbid.”

 

Aaron laughed, then the smile dropped as quickly as it came. “Will you promise me something, Call?”

“Sure,” Call said.

“Don’t ever do that again. Promise me if you ever get bad again, don’t shut it inside - because I know you do, I do it myself so I know you do too – and come and talk to me or Tamara.”

Call was silent for a moment. “I promise.”

“Because if it happens again, I’ll kill you.”

“Not if I don’t kill myself fi –“

“Call, shut up. Just shut –“

“Sorry,” Call said, drawing shapes in the dirt with his finger to avoid looking at Aaron. Then he smiled ruefully. “How long d’you think it’ll take Tamara to figure it out? About us?”

“Oh, I don’t know, about two seconds?” Aaron smiled, trying to stop himself from grabbing Call by the collar and kissing him again. He had just said _us._ Was there an _us_ now? “She’s pretty smart when it comes to those –“  
“Shhh!” Call hushed him, grabbing his hand again. “I heard voices.”

They were silent for a second, when Aaron indeed heard someone calling his name.

 

“Aaron! Callum! Where are you!”

Callum grabbed Aaron’s hand and pulled him to his feet. “Oh, damn, it’s Master Rufus!”

“Call! Where the hell are you? Aaron! Call!”

“Tamara,” Aaron whispered as they walked forwards towards the moonlight.

Just before they emerged from the shadows, Call tugged Aaron back. “Don’t tell them what I was doing,” he whispered.

Aaron hadn’t even considered doing that. That was Call’s choice and Call’s alone.

“I won’t,” he promised, and they stepped out, hand in hand, into the moonlight.

 

“Call!” Tamara yelled, and ran towards them. “Aaron!” She hugged Aaron, then Call, all the while spouting various insults. “What the hell did you think you were doing? All the Masters were looking for you! The two Makars, both gone missing together! God, even _Jasper_ was frantic –“

“I don’t suppose you’d like to explain where you were?” Master Rufus said dryly, but Aaron could tell by his sigh that he was relieved.

Tamara suddenly saw their joined hands. She fell silent.

“Not tonight,” Aaron said, a lump in his throat.

“Well, I suppose the most important thing is that you’re both safe,” Master Rufus said. “But I expect an explanation in the morning.” He looked at them pointedly, as if he had just realised they were both fifteen year olds with outstanding sexual tension. “Now come on. Who knows what could be out here?”

 

They followed him back to the Magisterium in silence until Tamara dropped back to talk to them. Call looked at Aaron in amused trepidation as if to say _uh oh._

“So,” she said, jamming her hands into her pockets and gazing pointedly at their linked fingers. “What really happened?”

Call grinned lopsidedly at her. “You probably already know,” he said.

Aaron couldn’t help but smile.

Tamara rolled her eyes. “It’s about damn time, God,” she said, prompting a smirk from Call and a noise of indignation from Aaron. “I’ll leave you two alone. Though I suppose you’ve had enough alone time already tonight.” She skipped forwards to walk behind Master Rufus, a wide grin on her face, and Aaron and Call were left alone again.

 

“Thanks,” Call said after a moment.

“No, it’s fine,” Aaron insisted. “I’m a good liar, you know me –“

“Not just for lying to them,” Call muttered. “You know what I mean.”

Aaron rubbed his thumb across the back of Call’s hands. “That’s what friends are for.”

Call raised an eyebrow in an obnoxiously attractive manner. “Friends?”

Aaron swallowed. He felt like white noise was buzzing in his head when he said, “Boyfriends?” It came out more like a question than a statement.

 

Call nodded, a cross between a grin and a smirk on his dumb face, then launched forwards to press their lips together again. Aaron grabbed his collar tightly as they kissed, realising how much he now had and how much he could potentially lose. He couldn’t lose Call. Not after everything they’d been through. He would have to watch Call over the next days and weeks, to make sure he didn’t get too self-destructive again, but for now, he allowed himself to relax and savour the moment.

They both pulled away and hugged for a few seconds, Aaron bending down to bury his head in Call’s shoulder. He smelt like apples and black coffee.

“Why do you have to be so stupidly tall?” Call murmured.

Aaron laughed under his breath and bent down to kiss him again. Call had resented Aaron’s growth spurt since they were thirteen. “Your mouth tastes of coffee. Oh yeah – because you’re so _bitter._ ”

“Shut up,” Call said, shoving him and grinning.

 

Aaron noticed Tamara had turned back to watch them, and was smirking. “C’mon,” he elbowed Call. “Let’s go before she gets out a camera and starts recording us or something.”

Call linked their fingers together again, and with a warm feeling in Aaron’s chest, they walked back to the Magisterium.


End file.
